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I’d like to preface everything I say with a disclaimer: I do not have a fish fetish.

I feel the need to clarify this point right off the bat, because I spend a lot of time talking about salmon and I don’t want anyone to think I have any strange delusions about procreating with them or genetically engineering a half-fish-half-human hybrid or anything, because I don’t. Seriously.

Fish are my job, and since the US government pays me to care about them I try very hard to pretend that I do. This is often difficult as most of the salmon I see at work are already dead and missing various body parts by the time I come across them, and somehow rotting, headless corpses tend to be more vomit-inducing than awe-inspiring, but still. I signed on to be part of a program that restores salmon habitat and most of the friends I’ve made since I moved my ass across the country to do this are involved in fisheries restoration in one way or another, and that is why it’s completely normal and not at all weird for me to think about things like river whales and mutant fish eggs on a regular basis. Probably.

So, to reiterate, I do not have any strange psycho-sexual disorders about fish. There’s no need to be alarmed by my expansive knowledge of their reproductive habits, because I’m a professional (sort of) and that makes it okay. ish.

July 11, 2011 at 5:32 am Leave a comment


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